Yesterday was my band's "last performance" at a club called 1920's. So, of course we celebrate...everyone in the band was pretty drunk by the end of the show. It was a great time.

After the show, me and some friends go play pool...and of course they want to go eat -so I break down and order chicken nuggets and fries. I share my fries with a guy, but I swallowed the nuggets whole; I was so hungry.

When I got home I was so depressed about having eaten before that I ate again...Thai noodles and ice cream when I couldn't sleep. Badness...

Welp...Today was better I guess... I ate a tuna sandwich for dinner and some Tomato soup (those campbell soup's to-go things) it was a good meal.

I went to the theatre by myself today, on the way I stopped by a bookstore and bought myself a workout dvd....Pure Sweat: Belly Dance...a Natural Journey DVD. it looks pretty good.

Yesterday was "interesting." I was doing great yesterday, diet-wise. I started calling people and inviting people to my upcoming show...I invited my dearest friend Kel; last year he was my BESTEST friend, we had a falling out last summer when we had sex (a couple of times,) while he had a love interest in South America. Instead of trying to work it out with me, apologize or whatever, he just stopped talking to me and blames school for keeping him so busy. I shouldn't have slept with him, but I was madly in love with him. sigh.

I haven't been thinking about him for awhile, until yesterday he comes online and I invite him to the show. He pretty much says he "might show up" -if his girlfriend lets him...he said something about his girlfriend being "touchy" around me and so he thinks we shouldn't hangout any longer.

That makes me so sad. I know he's an ass...and I am stupid but, I can't not feel hurt and almost betrayed by someone that I love.

Anyway...once he tells me this I have a mad urge to just get out of my house and to throw myself at a bottle of Maker's Mark or something. So me and H go downtown and eat a crazy fatting Chinese dinner (I had a half serving of Calamari, half serving of Crab Rangoon, a egg drop soup, and an egg roll.) Badness... after that...me H and Joey go to the closes bar and down a bunch of liquor. It was fun, the bartender knew me and J b/c we play at the place every Tuesday...so he came and talked to us and chilled with us...the bar was empty so we had the entire bar to ourselves.

H gave me a very pretty card holder as a "graduation" gift. It's lovely.

The reason J needed to down liqour was b/c he's going through a breakup (that relationship lasted 8 years.)

After we burn allot of money at the bar -we decide to go back to j's house to continue the drinking. -we drink...I showed joey Miri Ben Ari  we plan on showing Miri to some local hi-school orchestras for inspiration...

anyway... at the end of the night we watch Triplets of Bellville and me and H go home.

Fun night...Got over Kel, sorta, but...BAD diet-wise. crap.

Recording was AWESOME. The band brought in several new musicians into the group, a percussionist and an accordian/vibes player. We only managed to record 3 songs today...one of them though, featured me. I wasn't too sure, while recording, if it was any good but, once we all sat down in the studio room and listened to the play back the entire band LOVED my soloing. I was/am still very suprised/pleased that everyone liked it...Even the guys in the band that never complement me did today, and with crazy enthusiam. The band also got to sing for one of the songs; that was crazy fun.

(Side note,) one of the best things might be happening...Me and J were driving from Austin to San Marcos, before rehearsal, and while we are chatting, J mentions that he needs a roommate in November when his roommate leaves... He lives in a BEAUTIFUL house. As he's talking my eyes begin to SPARK and we both realize that it would be perfect if I moved in. YAY. Not only do I get to move in with an ultra cool guy, but I'll be living in the central part of town in a very fly house. I'm super excited. Living with my parents is not fun.

Ok. so here is what is lined up... I need to drop weight and become crazy fabulous before late July (that's when the Musical takes place and I have to rehearse with my ex-boy-crush.) I have to get a great day job so I can afford living with J in that shiny house of his...AND I have to practice so that my bands keep liking me...AND I have to practice so that my musical project "becoming Miri Ben Ari" can happen ASAP.

check her out ya'll Miri Ben Ari

I put an ad in the paper yesterday asking for a hip hop dj that would be interested in working with a solo flutist. I hope I get some kind of reply... I might try again if this ad doesn't work by expanding the genre to include any sort of eletronica dj. I dunno just yet...

I'm so excited. As long as I keep working my life might be ok...

Monday begins my "Brandon Diet." I have one friend named Brandon, and my most sucessful diet occurred while I had a HUGE crush on him. I ate right, exercised, and had a positive self-image. It lasted for only a short time, but I think I can make it resurface. I'm physically, and mentally, preparing myself for seeing a guy I tried to get with in Highschool. I had a HUGE crush on this guy (Esmail.) It's been about 3-4 years since I've seen him. Since then I have gained a massive amount of weight. However, since then I have gained allot of musical knowledge, and dance knowledge for that matter. I guess I should explain; last week I got a call from a musical director asking me if I could become the new Flutist/Piccolist for his summer musical...(happening late July, early August.) I gladly excepted and then learned that Esmail maybe apart of the group. What throws me, (get this) ...when I was in highschool, Esmail was already in college with YEARS of experiance ahead of me...I never ever dreamed I could be apart of a group that he would be in. I must be moving up slowly in the classical world...anyway. I'm pretty sure he will recognize my name and at the first rehearsal I can almost bet we will force an ackward conversation. That is the moment I am going to be working out and dieting for. I want to look the best I can and I want to be in tip top shape musicially so I can flash my *I'm a jazzy flutist/saxophonist and musicially...my life is moving faster then yours*... he's a music ed major. I have a theory that he wants to be a performer just can't do it as a classical Bassoon player. Sounds quite bitchy in retrospect...but fuck it... I hardly get moments like this -where I can run into someone that I once adored...and looked up to..-in this orchestra I will be his equal and be able to talk to him as a musician, that maybe doing better then he is...and looking better then he is...*hopefully*

I've seen three movies this weekend: Punisher, Kill Bill, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Hero after Hero after Romantic hero.

I came to a weird conclusion due to watching these movies and doing the things I did this weekend: I want to be a hero. a Super hero.

Let me explain. When I was a little girl I had the greatest imagination. I was an awesome little kid that loved acting and doing different things like dancing and spot-light type activities just cause I have always loved being apart of the action.

My theory is that my mother stiffled the creativness when I was small due to her strict rules...so what I did to get around that was...join the band.

Once I began playing flute, my mother couldn't stop me from participating in concerts...and so I took dead advantage of it and practiced my ass off til I became a wicked hi-school flutist. Anyway.

My hi-school performances gave me a great advantage in college and now I am where I am (playing weekly at clubs.) The problem is, I no longer find joy in playing the flute...I do, but not like I use to. I need to find that crazy drive I once had...